most of this garbage i write is about you

I'll never let go, Jack

2009-11-13T09:09:48Z

Like so many people, I've started another page, another blog. It's not that I hate Livejournal, I just like the options they provide for setting up a page. I enjoy the idea of looking at my friends list and seeing all the entries, though.

http://stormypants.wordpress.com/

I still read my friends pages!!!

Back In Arkansas

2009-10-28T18:13:06Z

Due to crazy circumstances I am officially back home in Arkansas. I'm trying to maintain a positive outlook and be happy. I don't have rent! I don't have red wasps! 90% less fire ants! No Dustin Turner! No Lufkin! Food!
Unfortunately, there are a lot of negatives. I'm back home like a big ole fail. There's no internet. There's barking dogs. The room I'm in has mold from a leak. There are folks dying. FELICIA. No job. Most importantly: no Jake.
I've gotten really comfortable in living on my own. It's quiet, there's no pants, everything is exactly where I leave it. Jake spent every weekend with me and a night through the week. I felt good about doing the damn thing. It's super hard adjust and so far I'm still on my first week. Hell, it hasn't even been 24 hours of just me and the family yet.

The kittens and I are chilling on this insanely awesome bed for now. I imagine I'll have more time to contemplate my life and how I've gone off the designated path.

Fall!!!

2009-10-05T03:22:17Z

Everything in Texas is actually pretty terrible. No money, the people I considered friends are all proving to be terrible. You live, you learn. I rather like the fact I've cut them all out of my life. I spend more time picking up my house, thinking of plans, playing with my thousand cats.

In more important news, Jake and I have been together for two years this weekend. Neither of us remember the date, just that it was the very end of September or the beginning of October. I think it was about the 5thish. In true us fashion we did nothing but hangout.
We ate some imitation Italian food at Olive Garden and watched Boondocks while cuddling on the couch. It was the best.

I cannot wait for something new living-wise. I'm bored. That's why I'm so glad it's fall. I want to go camping every single weekend. I really want us to get a boat so that way we can go on an adventure and camp and it'll be awesome. I think I should have been a pirate.

Also, I'm glad Leslie is still such a big part of my life. She makes me laugh more than I make myself laugh. It's wonderful.

josethebean @ 2009-08-26T21:20:00

2009-08-27T02:25:00Z

I'm really into canoeing and fishing. I love it! I go through the weeks thinking about when we can go camping or fishing.

Also, I ran into the canoe with my head while it was up on the car. I pretty much knocked myself out. I started crying and Jake tried to cuddle me and I used my dragon voice and told him not to touch me. It's funny now but at the time I was really unhappy.

There are SEVEN cats that I feed now. 1 inside, 4 partially inside, 1 pretty much outside and 1 totally outside. :(
I hate them all, kinda, so bad. I just can't be mean to an animal. The totally outside cat just showed up one day. It was inside via the cat door. I was really really super confused.

josethebean @ 2009-07-20T20:32:00

2009-07-21T01:29:43Z

Leslie is coming to see me!

I want to paint my house!

I'm tired!

josethebean @ 2009-07-06T23:55:00

2009-07-07T05:02:01Z

I haven't said anything in forever! I've been devoting my life to my new job. It's kind of absurd. I feel like I was one of the partners. Anyway, it's weird but interesting. People are still idiots and uppity.

Jake and I are still doing awesome. I love him more every day. So sappy and awesome. Penguin!!! He's my best friend in the whole world and that says a lot considering Leslie is a clone.

I love my tiny house. I think it's right at twice the size of the purple bedroom. hahah. THE WHOLE HOUSE. My pile of laundry takes up 1/5th of my whole house. Some how I manage to fit in 5 freaking cats, too. I feel like I live in a shoe and I'm a cat lady, too.

The other night, Jake and I drove off to the middle of nowhere (using his handy GPS toy) and watched a really awesome lightening storm. Great night.

josethebean @ 2009-06-26T22:17:00

2009-06-27T03:21:44Z

i dont have a keyboard but i have the onscreen one. i want to babble. i cant.

josethebean @ 2009-06-05T22:39:00

2009-06-06T03:43:27Z

new job is going alright. i'm pretty much confused to death, but i'm learning. i'm going to try to learn how to rebuild pumps and stuff. i think jake will enjoy that way more than me.

i had a seriously fucked up flea infestation in my home. that is under control. i thought i was going to have to napalm it.

I'M GOING TO SEE MY SISTER NEXT WEEKEND. SNAP. at least...i'm planning to see her next weekend.

Where'd my sense of humor go?

2009-05-26T05:29:40Z

i'm about to go all jenny from forrest gump and pray.

dear god
please make him die
so he can go far far away from here

I realized tonight, while laying on the couch and being a loser, that I don't feel funny at all. I know I used to at least laugh at myself, but I don't do that so much these days. I'm working on that, I swear.

I quit my job. I now work at a pool store. I'm trying to move back to Little Rock for a few reasons. I'm trying to figure out a way not to so I can stay with Jake. I'm thinking about a van down by the river.

josethebean @ 2009-05-19T23:46:00

2009-05-20T04:49:15Z

I have a plan.

I quit my job.

Fuck..I forgot the plan.

Jessica Carder

2009-05-08T04:03:39Z

Feelin' Good

I'm so proud of Jess, she's doing everything she said she would.

I found my camera!

2009-04-17T04:21:01Z

Maria and Tia got my camera and tortured me with it. I didn't upload the still-life according to them photos.

This is me with a wonky eye.

So, like I was saying, our cat got all fat and turns out she was pregnant.

Right before she gave birth, her and Fudd were all cute and cuddly.

Then...

I looked in there and he was holding her down, stomping her stomach and humping her.

I guess it worked because she exploded.

So gross and intriguing.

This is the kitties today.

Jake has already named a bunch of them. This isn't looking good.

This is what Jakes do.

And I like these pictures and love my little Calvin.

josethebean @ 2009-04-10T09:48:00

2009-04-10T15:21:59Z

The new house has been really great. Stress level and anger is down 60%. I've still got things everywhere and that's starting to irritate me. It feels like I'm never going to get things where they should go. Plus, this is the tiniest place in the world - I'm talking one bedroom apartment size - I have to be really creative with how I do things.
I’m just really tired, moving everything and trying to get it put up is the suck.

I found out that there are 52 bullet holes in this house. Apparently, the lady who lived here would either drink on whatever pain meds she had or she would do some drug, then she'd shoot up the house. AWESOME. Really though, it’s kind of creepy.

I’m watching Elizabethtown and being depressed. It makes me miss Leslie, Murray, the compound, and Da. DAMMIT.

Kittenssss

2009-04-06T16:48:06Z

So, our retarded cat had kittens. She's doing shockingly well! There's 6. 1 is black and white, one is mostly black with a little white and the others seem to be all white.

Who wants a kitten??

New House

2009-04-03T00:41:33Z

So, I'm sitting at the bar in my new place. This is great! Moving was a really long, stressful nightmare.

My house is very tiny and very 70's, but it's all I need.

I brought both of our cats and I let them out to use the bathroom, somewhere in the moving we forgot the litterbox, and one is missing. I want to believe she's just out exploring but she's about to have babies any minute. I'm afraid she's either dead or birthing somewhere. The other cat is chilling out, he goes and comes like a normal animal. God, Geldof is such a stupid cat.

Other than this cat issue, everything is grand.

Skank ho

2009-03-25T01:26:35Z

I think I wrote something about there being a girl staying at our house. G got himself a girlfriend. Total damaged goods, been around all the blocks. She was hysterical, though. I thought she was a pretty good person, just mixed up and making poor choices.
Poor is seriously an understatement.
I don't even know where to start with her lies...

LIE:
She had no record and her parents were being sued by the apartment complex she had lived in.
FACT:
She was charged with writing hot checks/forgery. Her parents were being sued by the bond company. She came to our house instead of going to the hearing, lied and said she was going to Austin to go shopping. The truth came out when a bounty hunter/bondsman came in our house and arrested her and we had no idea what was going on.

LIE:
She claimed that her boyfriend at the time (v1lly from IRC for all the nerds who might read this) beat her up really bad. He ended up in jail and she was working with the D.A. to get a restraining order.
FACT:
David did beat her up for reasons unknown to me. She has openly admitted to physically attacking him in the past. They also had stolen drugs that same day, could have been someone there. I don't know. I do know that she has been writing him and visiting him regularly for the past 6 months and actively trying to get the protection order canceled.

LIE:
Claimed that the boyfriend has been sending her unwanted letters this entire time and was describing how he was going to "scoop her up" and hurt her. That he was going to "hit the ground running" and come for her.
FACT:
Besides the fact she was writing him, the letters were non-threatening. The only "threats" were ones with him saying hateful things about G for being black and her being lowly for hanging around him. The "hit the ground running" letter went on to say "...and be a straight arrow. I can't be around any illegal or unprescribed drugs." He also begged her to get her life together.

She lied about using my car, she was really going to the jail to see the guy, by saying she was going to go feed her cat that she wasn't able to spend time with. Total guilt and manipulation. She also claimed to be having dinner with her family and was going to see the boyfriend. She lied to the guy in jail, too. She was telling him that G didn't have a chance with her, that she loved him, couldn't wait to be with him. The whole time she was sleeping here, with G, every night and telling him that she loved him. She tried (and succeeded) to start several tense moments between us. She stole money and pills from G. She documented all the activity going on in our house in letters to the boyfriend - names, what they were doing, where they were going.
Even when she got out of jail in Austin after being picked up, she continued to lie. She said she had nowhere to go, but her aunt and uncle lived right there. She claimed to not say something that her mother repeated to me, claimed that I told her mother. Right.

I told them I didn't want her in my house, that she needed to be gone by the time I got off work. The next night Jake and I were supposed to go camping. The spot had a million little church kids all over it and he broke his tooth, so we came home early. We pull up to see her going in the house. I was pissed that she was there after I said no, but I get the thinking we wouldn't be there so it wouldn't even be known. My entire issue was the fact she was yelling at US and got an attitude. She said in a really snotty way, "I'm sorry I lied." She said it with the tone as if she had forgotten to go somewhere and we wouldn't let it go. I didn't kill her, unfortunately, just flipped her off and said I wanted her out of the house. G claimed he thought I meant I didn't want her here when I was here. We weren't even being angry at him.
Sunday we went fishing and I took a mosquito to the eye and called it quits. So, we were coming home about 2 hours ahead of schedule. We get to the house and she was there. She ran and hid in the bedroom and didn't say anything. The saddest part about that is he flat-out lied. He doesn't lie, he has pretty good morals about him, however different from the norm they may be. Honesty and respect are a huge issue with him. Now, he's sitting there lying like she is. It's so upsetting. Now I really do loathe her - not only is she a lying, thieving slutbitch; but she has placed that seed of dishonesty in a pretty descent guy. She manipulated everyone, manipulated her way back into his feelings and now she's manipulated him into lying.

One thing she yelled was that he pays rent here, too. It's a good point. I've been tired of living here for a while - too much noise, too much drama, high paranoia factor, shitty house, high utilities, never alone, GETTING EVERYTHING STOLEN, wanting to spend more time with just Jake and I, etc. How fair is it to demand that someone can't be in the house when he pays half the bills? It's not. It's also ruining the friendship between him and Jake. I don't know if he will forgive me after this, but if he does I think it'll be a better result than what will happen if we try to stay here longer.

Now I just have to tell him I'm moving out...this week. It wasn't my plan to do it this fast but it's just how it worked out. I was given the chance to get into my own house for $425 a month. It has a fenced in back yard with a deck that leads down to it, out in the country, no one really close to it. It's going to be ok.

@%$#!^$#!$

2009-03-12T05:24:03Z

At work they hired a new girl. What she gets paid and what she does is the owners' problem. I could get cranky about her getting paid more and doing less than I do but, really, I don't care. My problem comes in the form of them cutting the hours for me and Maria. I need my 40 a week in order to pay my car and bills and shit. I'm pretty pissed the fuck off.
I put in an application today. It's in the town I'm moving to, heyyy, and sounds really interesting. It's for a place that helps with child development. I'd have a more office type position and not really work hands on with the kids. That's not a bad thing. Thinking about it makes me feel warm and fuzzy. Sure, adults screw up, suck at life, don't deserve to have kids, etc; but the kids didn't ask for it. They are innocents and products of their environments.

So, on my recession inspired yet totally uncalled for day off I...:
- Applied for two jobs. One was already over, way to post a closing date on that, City of Lufkin. You are fail.
- Helped Jake get his truck inspected.
- Carried off 157 pounds of cans.
- Illegally dumped a bunch of trash into a dumpster of a closed down bar. It's ok, she has a huge vulva.
- Vacuumed the entire house.
- Burnt up our vacuum.
- Returned the clothes I bought that were way too big.

Big Kitty

2009-03-07T01:40:45Z

So, we've had this sort of neighborhood cat that comes up. The first time I ever saw him he had snuck into the house when I left the front door open. I was in the living room for a few minutes before I noticed the huge black and white cat posted up on some blankets piled on the floor. I was kind of scared to get near him, that beast was massive. Eventually, he went right back out the front door.
The next time I saw him, weeks later, he had snuck in again with all the guys there. They let him hang out and fed him some sandwich meat and put him back outside. It was 8am, I was late for work, and I was headed out the door when I almost stepped on him curled up just outside of it. He didn't even wake up.
Mostly, he just hung out but never really socialized. He'd run away if you got too close. The night we became friends was so dramatic that I remember it for a few reasons. There was an event at work that I had to stay late and serve wine for. Maria and I kept drinking with the guys, so I was pretty tipsy when I left. Don't fret, I literally live just down the street from work. This was back when we had two dogs that hung around - blackie and whitey. I know, so original. Their real owners couldn't care for them, so the skeezy rednecks across the street had them tied to a tree. Whenever they heard me come home they started crying for me to come save them. The little, ugly, stankass redneck boy began to strike a bullwhip at them. Yes, a freaking Roots style bullwhip. So, I marched my tipsy ass down the street and said, "If it's all the same to you, I want those dogs. It'd be a shame for someone to report you beating them." While I was being threatening, at least I like to believe I was, the cat came meowing and walking down the road to me. You know how cats do that fast walk where their little feet just move like a wind-up toy? He was doing that down the street at me and going MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW. It was probably him that scared the kid into giving me the dogs. So, me, two dogs, and this cat all go marching back to the house. After that, the cat was pretty constant and even hungout inside the house.
We started calling him big kitty and everyone who came over would pet on him. He never got irritating, never caused a single problem. He was becoming the perfect cat. Jake and I were debating on taking him with us to our new place. He would come lay in my bed and sleep on my arm and let me move him around the furniture.

Today when I came home from work, the inside cat we are taking care of wouldn't get out of my bedroom window. I thought it was just being retarded like normal and then I noticed big kitty sleeping on the patio behind the house. Then I realized he wasn't sleeping. He got hit by a car and was trying to come to the front door. Our neighbor helped me and Gator bury him.

MUSHROOM MUSHROOM

2009-02-26T02:28:01Z

My favorite part is his dad..

Stalking...

2009-02-24T18:51:49Z

Pictures! ...And probably whining.

2009-02-24T04:36:45Z

I broke all my image links, for the most part, so I shall post this:

Dear WoW,

Please give me back my bff Leslie. I miss her and I need her and she hates me because I don't have an epic mount.

Love, Stormy

How come I love sleeping outside and being cold and swatting bugs? I seriously love this stuff. I was ready to go camping again the next weekend. I keep the fact I could stumble upon a snake far from the front of my mind.

We got to camp right about dusk so I went into camper mode. Jake started the fire for cooking. I wrapped potatoes in foil and threw them on the grate. Then, I started putting up the tent. Jake, as much as I love him, is way too A.D.D. for some shit. He kept trying to check the weather (a big storm was coming) on the laptop/cellphone.

Google Maps of where we were. Not so good for cellphone reception.

I made an awesome dinner and Jake was all kinds of impressed. We came up with some redneck camping bugzapper thing. He put a flashlight in a Wal-Mart bag for less spotlight and more luminescent light. Well, the bugs loved that idea, too. So, I sprayed the bag with OFF!, oh what a genius I am!

Ok, tired of typing about all that. Here's some random photos from the next day.

Har har, we fell over.

Still working on moving. I'm tired of living where I do. I want something stable and comfortable. I want to be able to have nice things and no one steal it or spill beer on it. I've just grown up too much for this environment. I've explained this to Jake every way I know how. I've already been here longer than I said I would without change, so I'm getting things together to move back to Little Rock. It's the LAST thing I want to do, but what other choice do I have? I can't give up everything I have and force myself to live in the same bullshit I ran away from. If that was acceptable, I'd have kept myself at home and made twice the income that I do here.
I think my stupid heart would be so broken. I might die from it.

Chuppacabra's eat catfish

2009-02-17T00:32:48Z

So, Jake and I finally went camping! It was completely awesome, like I said it would be, and we had a great time. Despite the fact it was freaking cold at one point and it rained a little, we are already planning trip 2. I took pictures, but my card reader on the computer is dead and my desktop computer died. I'll probably just post them randomly on here or myspace.

Everyone who stays at my house is gone, weee. I'm going to totally clean and re-arrange the living room. I can't wait to live somewhere that I can hang pictures on the walls and have nice things. God.
The furniture moving is sure to piss someone off, I'm sure. Ya know what? I'm tired of loud music coming down the hall and waking me up.

Come on get in the boat, fish fish

2009-02-04T02:15:56Z

Strong Bad - Lures & Jigs

I really like going fishing, even if I don't catch anything. It's just fun and I get to be with Jake and...I like it. Plus, for the most part, it's free.

I WISH we had caught that big monster. We could eat for weeks! That thing is my goal though, I will win.

Mostly, everything is crazy and weird. Jake and I are doing excellent, so happy. Just, everything else is off. I like doing outdoorsy stuff because it keeps me away from everyone and everything.

Fever and Laurel K Hamilton

2009-01-19T05:44:40Z

when i get sick, i get so irrational. i'm sick again! this time my fever has been really high. i think it's because every time i smoke my sinuses freak out. that makes no sense to me at all. i grew up in a house that had at least 2 cigarettes going at all times, not to mention the gross dogs everywhere. my sinuses should be made of steel! but nooo.

i've been reading a lot lately but it's truly terrible books. i mean, it doesn't have to be shakespeare to be quality, but i'm pretty sure having sex in every chapter kind of knocks it down several levels. either way, laurel k hamilton is my girl. talkyboy is trying to get me into wheel of time but there's something about reading a series where i know the author died before he finished it that makes it hard to want to step off into.

jake and i went campground scouting today. even my fever can't stop us from trying to plan an adventure. i'm not sure why i always freaked out about going camping before because i really like it. i don't know. anyway, we found a place with pretty nice campsites - cleared sand spot for a tent, picnic table, spot for a car, showers close and fishing. i'm ready to go! i wish i hadn't felt so bad, today was perfect for fishing. vhwgjkerhgkje.

eric and i were talking and he was commenting on how i'm so different now. he had a personal issue and i gave him a very non-hostile, fair reply. all i can say is i've stopped being so hardcore in my stance on things. it's pretty chill, i like it. i don't get so wound up over stuff.

I hate SFA

2009-01-07T23:09:44Z

I went on a job interview and it was a nightmare. I don't want to go over the details again, but they were rude. One lady actually rolled her eyes. I was up front about my knowledge and work experience, I explained what I didn't have experience with. This one female went out of her way to be a complete bitch and make me feel stupid. That, combined with the fact I'm sick, has made me feel really really depressed. I feel like I'm trapped and that things won't get better. I need to make more money than I do. ACIC offered me my job back, I could take it right now. I'd have to leave Jake though. I'm not sure I can handle that. Right now, with the way I feel, I just want to be near him and he doesn't have time for it. Am I selfish? I'm trying not to be. I really really feel terrible. I've been sick and had absolutely no care given to me. I feel like a big stupid failure because of that bitch. I just want to be around him and I know he has work going on so I put that before how I feel. But why does that always have to be before me? I know he does a LOT of stuff for me. That makes me an asshole. I can't move back to Little Rock because it'll be admitting defeat to my family and that's the last thing I can ever do. I can't survive here. I don't know what to do.

I wish that Leslie, Mr Puppy and crazy ass nana could just be here. I'm so sad and lonely.